Beyond small talk: Three tips for building genuine bonds that will boost your business

You only have one chance at a first impression, so you’ve got to make it count. With just a few deliberate steps, you’ll be well on your way to developing meaningful relationships, professionally and personally. With these in your arsenal, you’ll be more confident talking with people you’ve just met. And confidence is key to getting a “yes.”

1. Talk about topics that interest the other person. In his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie discusses Teddy Roosevelt’s strategy for being an excellent host: He would stay up late the night before a meeting and read up on topics he knew were of interest to his visitor. Then during their meeting, he could easily carry on a conversation about this person’s passion. Carnegie said, “For Roosevelt knew, as all leaders know, that the royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.” 

So how do you know what interests other people? It’s not too difficult in today’s social-media world. Take a spin around their Instagram or Facebook account, and you’ll quickly get ideas about what makes their world go ’round. Whether it’s their kid’s hockey team, trips to Italy, or historic architecture, you’ll see photos that clue you in on what to ask about. And don’t feel pressured to know everything about a given topic; what might be even better is to ask questions about the subject. People who are passionate about a topic are eager to talk about it with a willing audience. 

2. Take a genuine interest in the person. For those you don’t know well, take the time to get to know them, and adopt a journalist’s approach: Ask a question and listen for the answer. Then ask a thoughtful follow-up question, resisting the urge to turn the conversation to yourself. Instead, let this conversation be about the other person. Asking questions about someone’s life establishes the foundation of the relationship and shows you care. As Simone Weil said, “Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” 

After you’ve taken the time to ask questions, do your best to remember the answers—and your phone can help. Add this person as a contact, and in the notes section, jot down a few details for later review. Next time you see each other, bring up something you discussed before. This simple gesture implies genuine interest and strengthens your listening skills, thus making you a better communicator. 

3. Commit to consistency. Much of today’s relationship building is done virtually, and online networking is a fantastic tool for growing business. However, it will not reach its potential without consistency. People are drawn to consistency because it feels stable and safe. Aden Andrus of Disruptive Marketing writes, “More than almost anything else, consistently marketing your business in an effective way will yield great results. Sadly, as marketers, we’re easily distracted by the latest new idea or hack.” 

Andrus gives the example of producing a movie, which requires thousands of hours of work to write, direct, produce, and edit—and the end product is a two-hour film. But if the team didn’t stay committed to a singular task, we wouldn’t have anything to watch in theaters. 

So stay focused. Sing your product’s praises day and night and find creative ways to recycle your content. It might take months for networking to result in closing a deal, but you’ll have made a whole host of friends in the meantime, and that’s a wonderful thing too.